Friday, April 29, 2005

Almost thirty, I could quit now and be 29 forever

I just have one more to go. One more and I will have written 30 poems in 30 days.

I am tired. I have a huge blank in my mind. I am having trouble remembering words, thinking of anything concrete. It is restful in a way, like a blowing cloud. But I do prefer me with words, words flowing. I like the busy meter of my life with words. I feel very empty. I prefer the fullness.

I think I will use May to fill me back up again. May is hard for other reasons, but that refilling might help with that too. We shall see.

I had no goals in this other than to finish. On the good days I was floating on the phrases I made, the twist of life that is poetry. On the bad days I wondered whom I was kidding. Why the hell would anyone, including myself want to read that drivel? But I did see that there is a seed there. I have only been writing poetry again for the last year or two. Writing other stuff since the fall. This intensifying has changed the way I think. Not how I feel, but how I think about words, about connections, the poetic twist, turn of phrase, the lifting of life that poetry offers. NaPoWriMo has forced me to do this. Normally I don’t like to be forced to do anything, but this is only a game with myself. Me daring myself. I don’t mind that. I only cheat myself if I fail.

I still have one more poem to write. I haven’t a clue what yet. My kids keep offering suggestions. My son wants me to write a poem about a chicken-eating spider. Some giant spider that kills chickens and drags them off to their hole in the ground. Ha. The chicken theme has been taken up elsewhere so I doubt I will do this. My daughter just wants me to write about her violin. Did that. I have mined nature, spring and a few other things. Poets are miners. Instead of hard hats, we type words. We light the way in the dark cave of life. Laugh now. I need to think of some bright well-lit idea for tomorrow. I would like to do something worthy of the time I have spent. I have no idea. The absence of words does not make for very worthy poetry. Trying to describe that absence is too hard for today. So I will open another Word file and stare at that for a while. The white absence.

Thanks for reading.

Monday, April 04, 2005

From Choriamb

Breaking news: http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/050404/nym208.html?.v=4 Cool! Yeah Kooser!
This was a tremendous volume of poetry, so great news.

Modifications

My life this month. I woke up and wrote a poem. I went to the park for a picnic and wrote a poem. I wake and sleep poetry this month. Challenges, challenges. Ha. This will either kill my love of poetry or maybe help/save me. I have learned more in 48 hours about writing poetry than I have in years. Years I say. I modify too much. But I am challenged here because I want to add depth and texture, I want to sink into my words, and I feel if I cut and slash too much, there won’t be anything left. That is telling. My fears come true. I am learning. But the other side of that slashy sword is the fear that my poetry will become what I call talky-talky poetry. It is just talk. It means nothing else, it goes nowhere else, couldn’t find a metaphor if one hit it on the head and I don’t like that kind of poetry and I don’t want mine to become that. Run on sentence stop! OK. Fears do that too me, on and on I go.

I am challenged but luckily not deplete. So I will continue. We are at day five. I warned you all on my first day’s silly poem that this would happen. I foretold and now am saying so. Don’t ever say I didn’t listen to myself. So I have two poems I am working on for the challenges, tomorrow’s and maybe, tossing one around for the next day. I don’t think this is cheating, because I am splitting my time for each, therefore less than a day’s worth will be put into each. And it will probably show.

But mostly I am impressed with those poems and people I have found because of this endeavor. They take this very seriously and I am daunted by that. I hope that any frivolity on my part does not belie my gratitude for their help and suggestions. This is fun and this is challenging. Bring on day 5. I already said that today. April may not be cruel, but boy, it is going to be long.

Sunday, April 03, 2005



redacted

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Wow and sigh

I am finding some amazing poetry in NaPoWriMo. Impressive.

There is a reason it is called a challenge. My page is not absolved yet.